I recall vividly the time I started my self love journey. It was during my fourth year in university.
I was at a breaking point during that phase of my life, struggling with depression.
Being in an African household where cultural norms discouraged open discussions about mental health and with no one to talk to, I turned to the internet.
I began to research on how to get out of my situation because at the time I was desperate to find two things; love – which I was busy seeking in all of the wrong places and peace – not just a temporary calm but a deep sense of inner peace that would help me feel alive and connected to myself again. However, I knew I couldn’t achieve these two things without making changes. I had to transform and grow as a person.
To love yourself, you have to be ready to embrace changes to who you are. There is no true self love without change. You have to discard who you once were, to create a whole new you. The authentic you.
I committed to improving myself by investing time and effort into self development. I read books to learn how to become a better version of myself. However, I faced many setbacks along the way.
Whenever I thought I had made progress and stopped working on myself, I’d start to slip back into old habits and my growth would stall. It took me a while to realize that self love and personal growth are ongoing processes. They require constant effort and attention. There’s no finish line or peak to reach, where you can say, “I’m done!” If you stop growing, you’ll stagnate and eventually decline. I believe this applies to many areas of life – if you’re not moving forward, you’re moving backward.
Self love is a continuous process, not a destination, It demands consistent effort, just like mastering a skill.
When you’re great at your job, it’s because you’ve practiced and honed your skills until they become second nature. In other words, you’ve made them a habit. I believe love should work the same way. To truly love someone or something, you need to consistently show up and put in the effort. Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s an action that requires dedication and repetition. Just like how you develop skills through consistent practice, you build love through consistent action.
So when you say you love yourself, what have you done to show that you truly do?
Are you taking care of yourself by setting limits and prioritizing your own needs?
How do you treat your body? With care and love or do you neglect yourself?
How do you speak to yourself? Is it with kindness, compassion and encouragement?
Do you show up for yourself every day and follow through on your own promises to yourself?
Are you handling difficult emotions and toxic relationships in a healthy way?
Are you gentle with yourself when you make mistakes, or do you self criticize?
Are you trying to impress others by being someone you’re not, or are you being true to yourself?
How genuine and authentic are you being in your daily life and interactions with others?
Do you believe in yourself, your abilities and your goals?
The idea of loving oneself should not be aesthetic, self love surpasses glamor.
Many people think self love is just about looking good on the outside like taking selfies, wearing makeup, nice clothes and shoes or having a perfect body but it’s so much more than that.
Self love is about accepting and loving yourself just the way you are, imperfections and all. It’s not just about taking pretty pictures or trying to be perfect. Real self love is about taking care of your whole self – your mind, body and spirit. It’s about being kind to yourself, forgiving yourself and treating yourself with love and understanding.
When you love yourself, you become a better, more confident and more genuine person. You’re able to love others more fully and receive love more openly.
You can’t give what you don’t have. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t fully love others. And when you do love yourself, you can’t help but love others just as much, if not less.
From my experiences, I’ve learnt that self love is a journey to become your true self, not a perfect version. As you grow, you’ll learn to:
- Listen to your inner thoughts and feelings
- Trust your instincts and emotions
- Be honest with yourself
Also, loving oneself is not selfish, it’s necessary for a happy and purposeful life. When you love yourself, you’ll become:
- More kind and understanding towards others
- Better at setting boundaries and communicating
- More confident and less seeking approval from others
Self love affects your relationships and interactions. It’s a path to self discovery and a bold move, a radical act of rebellion against societal norms, expectations and conditioning. It’s about embracing your uniqueness and living life on your terms.
As you continue this journey, remember that self love is:
- A declaration of independence
- A celebration of individuality
- A commitment to living life authentically
Let’s keep exploring and redefining self love.
Let’s embrace our true selves, imperfections and all and celebrate our growth and individuality, let’s move beyond the superficial and dive deeper into the essence of self acceptance, self care and self compassion.
Let’s love ourselves, not just for who we are but for who we are becoming.
