There’s something incredibly powerful about deciding to heal the parts of you that often get misunderstood especially when those parts look like anger, rudeness, or aggression.
Let’s be honest, nobody wakes up hoping to be rude, angry, or aggressive. Most of us are simply reacting from wounds we’ve never had the space, safety, or tools to address. Behind every harsh word or explosive emotion is usually a deeper wound; a place inside that didn’t feel heard, protected, or safe.
So if you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do I react this way?”
Or “How do I stop hurting people I care about?”
You’re already on the path toward healing. And that’s brave. Because underneath anger, there’s always a story.
Let’s talk about how to begin that journey…
Understand the Root, Not Just the Reaction
Anger often isn’t the real problem — it’s the symptom of something deeper.
It can come from:
- Feeling disrespected
- Childhood environments where love had to be loud
- Experiences where being soft made you feel weak
- A survival instinct that says: “If I don’t speak up now, I’ll disappear”
Start by asking yourself:
“What am I protecting?”
“When did I start believing this was the only way to be heard?”
The more honest your answers, the more healing can begin.
Slow Down and Notice What’s Happening Inside
You can’t change what you don’t recognize.
Begin observing your triggers without judgment.
Is it during arguments? When someone ignores you? When you feel misunderstood?
Next time you feel that familiar heat rise in your chest or your voice beginning to harden, pause and breathe.
Say to yourself:
“I’m feeling a lot right now. But I don’t have to respond with fire.”
Learn to Speak to Yourself Kindly First
If your inner voice is harsh, your outer voice will be too. Start healing your tone by changing how you talk to you.
Try soft affirmations like:
- “I am learning. I am growing.”
- “I can be powerful and still be gentle.”
- “My peace is more important than being right.”
These tiny mindset shifts will teach your nervous system that it’s safe to calm down.
Find a Safe Outlet for the Emotion
Anger isn’t meant to be bottled up. It’s meant to move through you safely.
Some healthy ways to release it:
- Journal everything, raw and unfiltered
- Cry if you need to
- Scream into a pillow when alone
- Go on a walk with music that matches your energy
- Hit the gym or dance it out
Let it out but don’t let it take control.
Apologize When Needed, Without Shame
Healing doesn’t mean you won’t mess up.
It means you’ll know how to repair and reflect when you do. If you say or do something in anger, acknowledge it. But don’t drown yourself in guilt. That’s punishment, not progress.
Say:
“That wasn’t my best, and I’m working on it.”
Then continue showing up better.
Relearn Softness Without Fear
Many people fear softness because it once made them feel unprotected.
But there is so much strength in softness.
Spend time with calming people. Watch women (or men) who embody gentle communication.
Listen to soft music. Light candles.
Train your nervous system to feel safe in stillness, too.
The more you practice softness, the more natural it will feel.
Give Yourself Time and Compassion
You’re not just trying to stop yelling.
You’re teaching yourself a whole new way to feel, speak, and connect.
This is sacred work. Be patient with yourself.
Because every time you choose calm over chaos, you rewrite a pattern.
Every time you pause instead of reacting, you prove to yourself that healing is real.
You are not your anger.
You are someone learning how to feel without fighting.
How to speak without hurting.
How to be powerful and still be peaceful.
And that? That’s the kind of growth that creates magic in your life and in your relationships.
Sending you so much love as you begin this journey back to your softer self. Keep going, you’re doing beautifully. And I believe in you.
