Let’s not sugarcoat it.
Marriage after kids is hard. Like, really hard.
You go from late night conversations and spontaneous sex to wiping butts, stepping on Legos, and arguing over who’s more tired. And somehow, in all of that, you’re expected to “nurture your relationship”?
You’re both running on little sleep and even less patience. You’re touched out, peopled out, and if one more person calls your name, you might scream.
Nobody tells you how lonely marriage can feel once kids enter the picture. You’re in the same house, doing the same things, but emotionally? It can feel like you’re a million miles apart. And it’s not because you stopped loving each other. It’s because you’re both surviving. That’s it.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: if you don’t actively fight for your relationship, it starts to disappear. Slowly. Quietly. Until you wake up and realize you don’t even know how to talk to each other anymore without it turning into a to-do list or a fight.
So what do you do?
Stop Waiting for the “Right Time” to Reconnect
There’s no perfect window. No golden hour where the kids are asleep, the house is clean, and you’re both in a good mood. That rarely exists. Sometimes you just sit beside each other in silence and say, “We good?”
Sometimes you laugh at the mess instead of snapping. Sometimes you reach over and just hold their hand, even if you’re still annoyed.
You reconnect in the middle of the chaos, not after it.
Say the Hard Things Before They Turn to Silence
Stop bottling it up.
Say:
“I feel like we’re just roommates lately.”
“I miss when we used to touch more.”
“I know you’re tired, but I need you to see me too.”
Yes, it might be awkward. Yes, it could be a bit uncomfortable. But the resentment of not saying it? That’s worse.
Appreciate the Effort, Not the Outcome
You know what matters more than flowers or date nights?
The small stuff.
The way he got up with the baby so you could sleep. The way she made your plate even though she’s exhausted.
The quick text that says, “I’m thinking about you.”
No one’s keeping score. But acknowledgment goes a long way.
Don’t Let “Parent” Be the Only Identity You Share
You were something before the kids.
Remember that. Talk about stuff other than diapers, school projects, or bills. Dream again. Joke around. Touch each other with intention. Remind yourselves that you’re still man and woman, not just mom and dad.
Even if it’s only for ten minutes. That’s enough to feel like you again.
This Season Is Brutal, But It’s Not Forever
It’s okay to not always be in sync. It’s okay to have rough patches. What matters is that you keep coming back to each other.
Not in huge, dramatic ways.
But in the quiet decision to try again today. To sit a little closer. To ask one more question. To care, even when you’re drained.
That’s how marriage survives after kids.
Not perfectly. But honestly.
If your marriage feels off right now, you’re not broken. You’re just in the thick of it.
But don’t lose each other in the process of raising everyone else.
You matter too.
